Toys R Us

Another part of my childhood goes tits up.

The bastards at Bain Capital, KKR, and Vornado Realty Trust bought Toys R US in 2005 on borrowed money placing the toy company billions of dollars in debt. Interest continued to grow at a rate of $500 million a year, forcing Geoffrey the giraffe into a life of booze, pills, and NYC hookers. Two weeks after the company announced it would be closing all US stores, founder Charles Lazarus was found dead. Many blame the giraffe for Lazarus’ death, stating he never got over Lazarus selling the toy empire that made him a household name as motive.

Rest in Peace Toys R Us